why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
