Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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