so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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