wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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