I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
