lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
