He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
