we're chasing vodka with high fives
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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