just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
