We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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