I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
