So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
