We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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