Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
50% drunk capacity currently
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So vagazzling was a success
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
