I hope mine doesn't look like that
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize