I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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