Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
