I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
