If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
