The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
