I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
