Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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