shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
