Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
