Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
