I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
