Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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