I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
