fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
