Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
