either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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