you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
