Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
