Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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