We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
