You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
