so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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