I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We left the knife in your bed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
