So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
