i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
