It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
