The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it was like eating out sand paper
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
