So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
