in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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