she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So vagazzling was a success
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
