someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
