I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
