Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
