there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
