Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
and she was petting her beer can
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
