we have officially lost it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize