Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
