Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
