I am midnight drunk by noon
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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