We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
