similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
