I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize