Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
