dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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