I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize