Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There's always time for handjobs
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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