Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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