Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
