Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
