I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
