I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up under a house in Key West
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