I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
