weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
