some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
