i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize