i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
