Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
